A Hindi Blog by Gaurav Garg

एक गार्डन में शादी का खाना चल रहा था..... तीन भूखे, काले कुत्ते, खाने की जुगाड़ में,  दूर खडे योजना बना रहे थे !  किंतु पुराने अनुभवों के कारण किसी की हिम्मत नही हो रही थी। बड़ी देर सोच विचार के बाद एक ने हिम्मत दिखाई... पिछवाड़े के गेट से घुस गया..अन्दर..! हलवाई ने देखा.. फिर क्या था.. डंडा उठा के 💥💥लगा -दनादन देने...🐕💥 पिट-पिटा के जब वो बापस पंहुचा..तो ! दोनों ने पूछा : खा आये..? (सोचा सच बोलूगा तो बड़ी बेज्जती हो जायेगी ) No.1 कुत्ता : हाँ भाई खा आया,बड़े भले लोग हैं...वो खुद ही खिला रहे हैं....."क्या मन से खिलाया है !!! सुन कर No. 2 में हिम्मत भी  आ गई.., भागा टेंट की तरफ...निर्भीक घुस गया अंदर... हलवाई ने देखा.. साला इतने डंडे खाने के बाद भी फिर आ गया (सेम कलर होने के कारण..हलवाई कनफ्यूज)  हलवाई ने खौलते पानी से जग भरा...और  दे मारा💥🐕💥 बाहर No.3 ने पूछा : तुम भी खा आये...? No. 2 : कुछ मत पूछो भाई....! गर्मा-गरम दे रहे हैं ! No. 3 तो लार टपकता, स्पीड में भागा...और घुस गया.. हलवाई ने देखा.. साला इतने डंडे खाने के बाद, खौलते पानी से नहाने के बाद भी, फिर आ गया (सेम कलर होने के

Grandpa and granddaugher were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God made you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately." T

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid." The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."

To: My Boss From: Jean Re: Changing calendars from Y2K I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conver�sion. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months: Januark Februark Mak Julk I also changed all the days of each week to: Sundak Mondak Tuesdak Wednesdak Thursdak Fridak Saturdak  ....We are now Y to K compliant

Wife called her scientist husband. Honey.. Its Saturday.. ur late... Husband - Darling, I'm busy with my team in an experiment. Wife - What's that? Husband - We added a derivative of C2H5OH with H2O at ambient temperature and aqueous CO2. Then we added some super low temperature, solidified H2O and now, while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with nicotine vapors. It's 4 or 5 round experiment. So I will be late. Wife- Oh dear, you're really busy! I won't disturb you. Take ur time.

😊 A married man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as  *"LOW BATTERY"*   with no ringtone. Whenever she calls him in his absence,  his wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger.. The guy was nominated for Nobel prize for *"Innovation and Peace"* 😜😉😝

Martin Luther king once said "If u cant Fly, Run; If u cant Run, Walk; If u cant Walk,, Crawl; But Keep Moving."  Punjabi Responded "O tä theek hai Luthra saab , par jana kithé hai?"   😝😅😂

गाँधी जी अपने पिता की चौथी पत्नी के बेटे थे बाबा साहब अपने पिता की  चौदहवीं सन्तान थे रविन्द्र नाथ टैगोर भी चौदहवीं सन्तान थे सुभाष चन्द्र बोस 14 सन्तानों में नवें नंबर पर थे विवेकानंद जी 10 सन्तानों में से छठे नंबर पर थे . . . .कमबख़्त हम दो हमारे दो के चक्कर में महापुरुष पैदा ही होना बन्द हो गए। 😞

एक दादा और एक दादी ने अपनी जवानी के दिनों को ताज़ा और re-live करने की सोची. . उन्होन्ने प्लान किया कि वो एक बार शादी से पहले के दिनों की तरह छुप कर नदी किनारे मिलेंगे. . . . दादा तैयार शैयार होकर, बांके स्टाइल वाला बाल संवार कर, लंबी टहनी वाला खूबसूरत लाल गुलाब हाथ में लेकर नदी किनारे की पुरानी जगह पहूंच गये. उनका उत्सुक इंतज़ार शुरू हो गया. . ताज़ी ठंढी हवा बहुत रोमैंटिक लग रही थी. . . एक घंटा गुजरा, दूसरा भी, यहां तक कि तीसरा भी .  . पर दादी दूर दूर तक नहीं दिखी. . दादा अपना सेलफोन भी नहीं ले गये थे क्यों कि उनके समय में तो PCO भी नहीं होते थे। . . . दादा को फ़िक्र हुई, बहुत गुस्सा आया  . झल्लाते हुए घर पहुंचे .................. तो देखा दादी  .कुर्सी पर बैठी मुस्करा रही थी. . . .दादा, लाल पीले होते हुए . . " तुम आयीं क्यों नहीं? . . दादी, शरमाते हुए  ."मम्मी ने आने नहीं दिया."

एक आदमी अस्पताल में आखिरी सांसें गिन रहा था। एक नर्स और उसके परिवार वाले उसके बिस्तर के पास खड़े थे। आदमी अपने बड़े बेटे से बोला: -बेटा, तू मेरे मिलेनियम सिटी वाले 15 बंगले ले ले। बेटी से बोला: -बेटी, तू सोनीपत सेक्टर 14 के बंगले ले ले। छोटे बेटे से बोला: -तू सबसे छोटा है और मुझे सबसे ज्यादा प्यारा भी है, इसलिए तुझे मैं ग्रीन पार्क की 20 दुकानें देता हूं। आखिर में आदमी अपनी पत्नी से बोला: -मेरे बाद तुम्हें पैसों के लिए किसी का मुंह न ताकना पड़े, इसलिए डीएलएफ वाले 12 फ्लैट तुम अपने पास रख लो। पास में खड़ी नर्स यह सब सुनकर आदमी की पत्नी से बोली: -आप बहुत भाग्यशाली हैं कि आपको इतने अमीर पति मिले, जो इतनी सारी जायदाद देकर जा रहे हैं। . . . . आदमी की पत्नी: -कौन अमीर? कैसी जायदाद? अरे, ये पेपर वाला हैं... हम सबको सुबह-सुबह पेपर ङालने की जिम्मेदारियां बांट रहे हैं!!! नर्स आज तक कोमा मे है

बीवी (पति से) – कैसी लग रही हूँ मैं ? अभी-अभी ब्यूटी पार्लर से आयी हूँ….. पति – बंद था क्या ? 

मैडम तीसरी बार ड्राईविंग लाईसेन्स का इंटरव्यू देने पहुची। . अफसर- अगर एक तरफ एक नौजवान और दूसरी तरफ बुड्डा हो तो आप क्या मारोगी? . मैडम- बुड्ढा . अफसर- अरे मैडम आपको तीसरी बार बता रहा हूँ कि आप ब्रेक मारोगी|

Electron to neutron : mere pass charge hai , spin hai, magnetic field hai, reactivity hai ... Tumhare pass kya hai Neutron : mere pass..... MAAss hai

Two pilots, both wearing dark glasses enter the aircraft . One is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're go

In English:- I am sorry, I can not hear u properly, can you please repeat what is the matter ???!!! And Now see in Hindi..                      *""आंय"*

From : Managing Director To : Executive Director "Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o'clock. This is something which we cannot see everyday, so let the work-force line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it.To mark the occasion of this rare occurrence, I will personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining we will not be able to see it very well and in that case the work force should assemble in the canteen." From : Executive Director To : Departmental Head "By order of the Managing Director, there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o' clock tomorrow morning.If it is raining we will not be able to see it in our best clothes, on the site. In this case the disappearance of the sun will be followed through in the canteen. This is something we cannot see happening everyday." From : Departmental Heads To : Sectional Heads "By order of the Managing Director, we shall follow the disappe

This is Absolutely Brilliant: The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are po

There was this 50 year old lady, who suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to temple !!!! Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change of interest to swimming now?" The lady, with a look of haplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrelled, she would always ask: "If your mom and I were to fall into the water, who would you save first?" And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, I am learning to swim myself!" --xx-- Now not long after, husband and wife were quarrelling again, and the daughter-in-law again unreasonably asked:" now tell me! If your mom and I fall into the water, who would you save first?" Husband replied: "I don't have to get down into the water, my mom can swim, she will save you." Wife refused to relent: "No, you have to get into the water, no matter what" Husband replied: "Then you will surely die.... bec

This is a conversation between a man and his wife.  Please note that she asks 5 or 6 questions which he answered quite simply and she is speechless after only one question.     Critical Thinking At Its Best!   Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes   Woman: How many beers a day?   Man: Usually about 3   Woman: How much do you pay per beer?   Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (This is where it gets scary!)   Woman: And how long have you been drinking?   Man: About 20 years, I suppose   Woman: So a beer costs $5.00 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.00.  In one year, it would be approximately $5400.00 correct?   Man: Correct   Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400.00, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000.00 correct?   Man: Correct   Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up int

2 golfers are on the 18th Tee. The first man is taking a very long time to take his shot. Partner: Is anything wrong? Man: My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse and I want to make this a perfect shot. Partner: Don't be ridiculous! You've got no chance of hitting her from here. 😂😂😂

A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university: "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put Rs.1,000 into my coffin when I die." And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very successful financially. When their father's time had come and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish. First, it was the doctor who put 10 Rs.100 bills onto the chest of the deceased. Then, came the financial planner, who also put Rs.1,000 there. Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his cheque book, wrote a check for Rs.3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the Rs. 2,000 cash. He later went on to become a member of Parliament.😜😇😇

एक आदमी मौलवी के पास जाता है आदमी : मौलवी साहब कभी कभी रात कु अचानक नींद खुल गइ तो देखता हूं के, बेगम का चहेरा नूर से चमक रहा है रौशनी इत्ती होती के ब्लन्केट  के उप्पर से किरणे दिखती ये कैसा नूर है मौलवी साहब..!! मौलवी : अबे अपने मोबाइल कु पासवर्ड डालके रख, फोन चेक करती वो तेरा...!!!

बच्चा :  मम्मा.... मैं कैसे पैदा हुआ....? माँ : मैंने एक बॉक्स में मिठाई डाल कर रख दी थी, कुछ दिन बाद उसमें से मुझे तुम मिले । बच्चे ने ठीक वैसा ही किया....! और कुछ दिन बाद जब उसने जा कर देखा तो उसमें 1 कॉकरोच था.....! बच्चा गुस्से से : दिल तो करता है कि तुझे अभी चप्पल से मार दूँ ... पर क्या करूं ...!!?? औलाद है तू मेरी...

An ambitious MLA phoned the Chief Minister's residence shortly after midnight. The CM's personal assistant answered the phone. "I need to talk to the CM... it's an emergency!" exclaimed the MLA. After some cajoling, the CM's assistant agreed to wake him up. "What is so important that it can't wait until morning?" grumbled the CM. "The other Minister just died and I want to take his place," begged the MLA. "Well, it's OK with me..if it's OK with the crematorium," replied the CM. 🙄🤔😟😜

GOD asks Motu: "Now that you are old, you have to  choose either Parkinsons disease (haath kaapna) or Alzheimers (yaadaast khona) as punishment for your karma in this life." Mptu goes to Patlu who advises him to choose Parkinsons and says, "Its better to spill half glass of whiskey than to forget where the bottles are kept." Motu hugs patlu.

➖➖➖  😀😀😀  ➖➖➖ पत्नी अपने पति को बार बार बोलती थी :----         "एक चुटकी सिन्दूर की कीमत           तुम क्या जानो रमेश बाबू"                     °°°                     °°°                     °°°                     °°°                     °°° एक बार पति ने उसे अपने पास बिठाकर हिंदी में समझाया : -- देख______ रसोई राशन                    Rs 12,000/- बिजली बिल                   Rs.  2,500/- पानी                             Rs.  1,000/- बच्चों की स्कूल फीस        Rs.12,000/- बच्चों की ट्युशन फीस|     Rs. 3,000/-          मकान किराया                 Rs.17,500/- मोबाइल खर्च                   Rs.  1,500/- मेडिसन                          Rs.  1,500/- पेट्रोल                             Rs.  2,000/- अन्य खरचा                     Rs.  6,000/- और ये सब इसलिए कि तेरी मांग में एक चुटकी सिन्दूर भरा है। वरना 2-4 हजार में मस्त जी रहा होता। इसलिए सुन एक चुटकी सिन्दूर की कीमत कम से कम Rs. 60,000/- रू महिना है ।       ____आज के बाद च

पति-पत्नि में झगड़ा हो रहा था। पत्नि: मैं पूरा घर संभालती हूँ.. किचन संभालती हूँ.. बच्चों को संभालती हूँ.. तुम क्या करते हो ? पति: मैं खुद को संभालता हूँ.... तुम्हारी नशीली आँखें देखकर.. बीवी: आप भी ना ....चलो बताओ आज क्या बनाऊँ आपकी पसंद का 😜😜😜😜😉 पत्नी: -- पूजा किया करो, बड़ी बलाएँ टल जाती है पति : - तेरे बाप ने बहुत की होगी, उसकी टल गयी, मेरे पल्ले पड़ गयी 😜😜😜😜😜 सुबह पत्नी चाय नाश्ता पूछने आई तो मैंने कहा बना दो। फिर रुक कर पूछने लगी जी ये अटल बिहारी वाजपेयी को भारत रत्न मिल रहा है ऐसा कौन सा बडा काम किया था उन्होंने ? मैंने कहा:- शादी नहीं की थी | बस उसके बाद ना चाय आई ना नाश्ता । 😜😜😃 सुबह जब ऑफिस के लिए निकला तो श्रीमती जी बोली: भगवान के हाथ जोड़ कर घर से निकला करो... सब काम अच्छे होते हैं| मैंने कहा: मैं नहीं मानता... शादी वाले दिन भी हाथ जोड़ कर ही घर से निकला था 😉😝😝😝😝😝😝 दामाद अपनी सास से बात करता हैं : 👉आपकी बेटी में तो हज़ारों कमियाँ हैं । सास :  हाँ बेटा , इसी वजह से तो उसे अच्छा लड़का नही मिला. 😄😄😳😳😟😟

विवाह के 15 दिनों बाद गुप्ता जी  की पत्नी का जन्मदिन था, पर गुप्ता जी बिज़नेस के सिलसिले में शहर से बाहर थे... इसलिए उन्होने 24 गुलाब के फूल आर्डर किये अपनी पत्नी को भेजने के लिए, फूलों के साथ उन्होने  लिखा... "डियर, मुझे तुम्हारी सही उम्र तो पता नहीं है... मैं तुम्हारे लिए, अंदाज से उतने फूल भेज रहा हूँ, जितनी उम्र मेरी समझ में तुम्हारी है...!!" उधर फूल वाले ने सोचा... "ये आज का मेरा सबसे अच्छा कस्टमर है, चलो इसे 12 फूल फ्री में दे देता हूँ...!!" और गुप्ता जी आज तक... ये नहीं समझ पाये कि... उनका तलाक हुआ क्यों...?? 😜😜