A Hindi Blog by Gaurav Garg

*Why Ladies Hate Doctors* Before giving Anesthesia Doctor asked Lady: " Whats Your Age Madam? "  Lady : 24 years!  Doctor : Madam are you  sure this is correct age? Because the amount of Anesthesia will depend upon your age.  Lady : 30 years!  Doctor : Look Madam.. it's upto u. Lesser amount of Anesthesia could wake u up during operation and u could go into comma as well.  Lady : 38..  Doctor : ( Once again..) Look Madam.. if u are not gonna tell me ur real age then wrong amount of Anesthesia will directly affect your livers and they may fail as well.  Lady , screamed and said : "49! That's it, I am not gonna change my age any further.

A 70 year old retired man had one hobby - he loved to fish.  He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone.  He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ''Pick me up. '  He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The retd officer said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride!' The retired offr looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket. The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?' I said, 'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,  'Nah. I'd rather ...

आज कोर्ट में एक अजीब मुकद्दमा चल रहा था.. एक ग्रामीण ने तोप के लाइसेंस के लिये आवेदन दिया था.. और इसे देखने हज़ारों की भीड़ और मीडिया कोर्ट में हाज़िर थे। जज ग्रामीण से :  ये तुमने तोप के लाइसेंस के लिए आवेदन पुरे होशोहवाश में दिया है? ग्रामीण- जी हां जज साहब जज- क्या तुम अदालत को बताओगे कि ये तोप तुम कहां और किस पर चलाने वाले हो। ग्रामीण- जज साहब पिछले साल मैंने अपने ग्रामीण बैंक में 1 लाख रुपये के बेरोजगार लोन के लिये आवेदन किया, बैंक वालो ने पूरी जाँच पड़ताल कर मुझे 10 हज़ार रुपये का लोन प्रदान किया। उसके बाद मेरी बहन की शादी में मैंने राशन से 100 किलो शक्कर के लिए आवेदन किया और मुझे राशन से सिर्फ 10 किलो शक्कर मिली। अभी कुछ दिन पहले जब मेरी फसल बाढ़ में डूब गयी तो पटवारी ने मेरे लिए 50 हज़ार रुपये का मुवायजा स्वीकृत करने की बात करके गया और मेरे खाते में मात्र 5 हज़ार रुपये ही आये। इसलिए अब मैं सरकारी कार्यप्रणाली को बहुत अच्छे से समझ गया हूँ, मुझे तो बंदर भगाने के लिये पिस्तौल का लाइसेन्स चाहिए था पर मैंने सोचा की यदि मैं पिस्तौल के लाइसेन्स का आवेदन करूँगा तो मुझे कही आप गुलेल का लाइसेन्स...

Paraprosdokians The first time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them.  Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them.) 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on my list.    3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.    4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.    5. We never really grow up.... we only learn how to act in public.    6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.    8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.    9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.    10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify.......

1 Hickory dickory dock, The mice ran up the clock, The clock struck one, And the others escaped with minor injuries. 2 What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys, and turkeys. 3 Why did Mozart sell his chickens? They kept saying, "Bach, Bach, Bach." 4 Some Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of the scouts saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. They're coming after us with flashlights." 5 My cat is so smart. He eats cheese, then waits at the mouse hole with baited breath. 6 Boy: Could you sell me a shark? Pet-shop owner: Why do you want a shark? Boy: My cat keeps trying to eat my goldfish, and I want to teach him a lesson. 7 Frank: Did you hear about the guy who was arrested at the zoo for feeding the pigeons? Harry: No. What's wrong with feeding the pigeons? Frank: He fed them to the lions. 8 If baby ...

This joke is classic.   Innocence at its best... A small boy parks his bicycle nearby the Parliament house and walks on... A police constable stops him and asks: Why did you park your bicycle here? Don't you know about this road? Many MPs, sometimes CMs and cabinet ministers and politicians pass from here... The boy replied innocently: Don't worry, I have locked my bicycle 😋😋😋

After having severe stomach pain, a girl visited the doctor's clinic. Doctor: What did you have for lunch? Girl: I ate hamburger, french fries, a corn pizza and had a coke. Doctor: Facebook Nahi Hai Yeh, Sach Mein Kya Khaya Tha Woh Batao? Girl: Tinde Ki Sabzi Aur Roti!