1
Hickory dickory dock,
The mice ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
And the others escaped with minor
injuries.
2
What keys can't open locks?
Monkeys, donkeys, and turkeys.
3
Why did Mozart sell his chickens?
They kept saying, "Bach, Bach,
Bach."
4
Some Boy Scouts from the city were
on a camping trip. The mosquitoes
were so fierce, the boys had to hide
under their blankets to avoid being
bitten. Then one of the scouts saw
some lightning bugs and said to his
friend, "We might as well give up.
They're coming after us with
flashlights."
5
My cat is so smart. He eats cheese,
then waits at the mouse hole with
baited breath.
6
Boy: Could you sell me a shark?
Pet-shop owner: Why do you
want a shark?
Boy: My cat keeps trying to eat
my goldfish, and I want to
teach him a lesson.
7
Frank: Did you hear about the
guy who was arrested at the
zoo for feeding the pigeons?
Harry: No. What's wrong with
feeding the pigeons?
Frank: He fed them to the lions.
8
If baby pigs are called piglets, why
aren't baby bulls called bullets and
baby chickens chicklets?
9
What is the difference between a
cat and a match?
A cat lights on its feet, and a match
lights on its head.
10
What grows up while it grows
down?
A baby duckling.
11
What's gray on the inside and clear
on the outside? An elephant in a
sandwich bag.
12
Why do dragons sleep during the
day?
So they can hunt knights.
13
Why is a snake so smart?
Because you can't pull its leg.
14
Why do giraffes have such small
appetites?
Because with them, a little goes a
long way.
15
What is as big as an elephant but
doesn't weigh an ounce?
An elephant's shadow.
16
What did the boy octopus say to
the girl octopus?
"Can I hold your hand, hand, hand,
hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?"
17
A cowboy had two horses, but he
couldn't tell them apart. He cut off
one horse's mane, but it grew back;
he cut off the tail, but that grew
back, too. A friend suggested that
he measure the horses. The cowboy
measured them and went to his
friend and said, "That was a great
idea—the black one was two inches
taller than the white one."
18
Heading into the jungle on his first
safari, the American visitor was
confident he could handle any
emergency. He sidled up to the
experienced native guide and said
smugly, "I know that carrying a
torch will keep lions away."
"That's true," the guide replied.
"But it depends on how fast you
carry the torch."
19
A mother's bachelor son invited her
over for a meal. He had just gotten
two new dogs and wanted his mom
to see them.
When she sat down at the table,
she noticed that the dishes were the
dirtiest that she had ever seen in
her life. "Have these dishes ever
been washed?" she asked, running
her fingers over the grit and grime.
"They're as clean as soap and
water could get them," he
answered. She felt a bit
apprehensive but started eating
anyway.
The food was really delicious,
and she said so, despite the dirty
dishes.
When dinner was over, her son
took the dishes, put them on the
floor, whistled, and yelled, "Here,
Soap! Here, Water!"
20
First octopus: What do you like
least about being an octopus?
Second octopus: Washing my
hands before dinner.
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